Saving Lives...One Story at a Time

Recently, God has been reaching deep into my soul on an issue indirectly facing our society today. An issue that, for many people, is an afterthought that routinely gets swept under the rug. For many people, choosing a side to this issue is not based on facts or morals, but rather a choice of emotion and freewill.

It's simply the flavor of the moment.

A trivial pursuit of choice.

The issue: Abortion

First, let me say that I am not against abortion because I am a Christian (although that strongly influences my thinking), but I am against abortion because I am FOR life. That simple. I value the unborn. I value the potential. I value God.

Over the past months, I have grown to have a great appreciation for a blogging buddy over at InProgress (http://kassota.wordpress.com/). Tam has shown a candid spirit in sharing her story of abortion and how it has played a continual role in her life. I am humbled to share her story with you. As she has mentioned before, maybe one story can save one more life. God Bless and thank you Tam.

I remember the 11th and 13th week of pregnancy. I can recall it very well. A flood of emotions took over. Sadness, guilt, regret, shame, disgust, anger, depression. Those two weeks each represented abortions I had as a teenager. A time when I used that service as birth control. There I stood, six years later, with another life inside of me. I was a brand new person. Changed from the inside out. I was married, loved the Lord, and excited to be a mommy.

Until that 11th week hit. The memories came crashing in. What if God takes the baby as a punishment? Would He do that? I was constantly guarded and nervous. I was frightened. But I hid it well. I had to. No one else knew about the abortions. Not even my husband. It was my little secret. The tormenting memory I kept replaying over and over in my mind. I didn’t need God to punish me. I was doing a fine job of that on my own.

I never considered, as a 16 year old while waking in the recovering room after letting them kill my first baby, that I would one day be a mommy. But there I was, in the delivery room with my husband gazing at my little girl.

There was no connection for me. None whatsoever. I guarded myself. Leaving the option open that God may still snatch her away from me.

I had allowed the abortions to leave such a terrible mark on my life. I let it stand in between me and my God for years. I invited the memories to take permanent resident in my mind and heart and prevent me from receiving Gods acceptance and mercy.

Fast-forward several years and two children later I am now faced with another dilemma. Having gone through a long journey of learning of and accepting Gods forgiveness, while also grappling self-forgiveness, I managed to heal from the scars the abortions had left on my heart and mind. I embraced being a mother. Bathing in His healing and redemptive power I celebrated every moment of motherhood. But one thing still remained undone. Something I knew I had to do.

There I sat, across from the most beautiful 13-year-old girl in the world. My first-born. I was a nervous wreck. I was sweating. She had no idea what was coming. I told her about my abortions. She listened intently. She’s such a mature young one. So secure and wise. She’s known for years that I’ve been writing a book. She’s been asking all that time what the title was. I could finally tell her in that moment. It’s titled “The Day I Told My Daughter”.

I never thought back then in the abortion clinic I would be telling my daughter now. I didn’t consider that possibility at all. Not that I would have cared. That’s the thing. Sixteen-year-old girls aren’t thinking about the repercussions. They just want it fixed.

Everything we do in life has an effect on someone else. Good or bad. It will affect another person/s. It broke my heart to have to tell my daughter this. You may be wondering why I told her at all. You may even disagree. But I believe I would have done a disservice by not telling her. I have information, from experience, that could very well save a life. God forbid she be in the same situation. But maybe me telling her will prevent that ever happening. Now she, armed with my story, can minister to someone else down the road considering an abortion, possibly saving a life.

Isn’t this like God? Making beauty from ashes. Taking something meant for evil and using it for His good. I am honored and humbled each time I look at my children and see the gift of life. My 1st and 2nd child – my 3rd and 4th chance to get it right. I don’t want to waste this opportunity.