Busy Bee

What a week...

It seemed like just yesterday, Meg and I were one of the most boring couples around. Now, we have a hard time stopping to just take a breather.

The bad thing?

It isn't going to get much better.

My teaching job at Hoover is mentally draining. If you have kids, you know how sometimes they seem to just ask question after question? Gets tiring huh? Now imagine that times 130.

Everyday.

My days go fast. My weeks go fast. But, I am CONSTANTLY talking, grading, recording, implementing, revising, yelling, joking, assigning, explaining, discussing, demonstrating, disciplining, directing, assessing, observing, printing, copying, charting, e-mailing, thinking, planning, fostering, memorizing...

...and then lunch arrives.

After school, I have department meetings, faculty meetings, church meetings, small group meetings, mowing, cleaning, grading, and so on.

We have made some new close friends, Andrew and Kristen, that we love hanging out with. Our small group is amazing! Why didn't this happen like a year ago? All of us are married couples with (or expecting) children. It is so nice to experience life with people who are at the same point in their own lives. Jason and Suzi Lantz, a couple in our small group, are amazing people and I am so fortunate that God has placed them in our lives. I consider him a good friend and someone I look up to when I see a Christian man with two kids and a wife. He is such a real person and that is what makes it such a cool friendship. The stress of having a child has been minimized with so many people entering our lives who will be with us step for step.

AND...

We still make time to spend with our families. Something that is very important with Megan and I. We are blessed to have parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. who love us and care for us. Sometimes it feels like those are the ones we neglect to spend time with, BUT WE TRY! I have no clue where I would be without a solid foundation rooted in a good set of family values.

Did I mention we have a baby due in 2 1/2 months?

Geesh...

Doubts

I'm disconnected...

For some reason, I'm not emotionally connected to the baby. I read about the development of the baby every week, but most of my emotions are related to worrying about his or her health and well-being. I look at Megan, pregnant and all, but all I see is Megan. Maybe it's a guy thing. Everything else feels...distant.

I try picturing myself as a dad.

That's even more difficult.

How in the heck did my dad do this? In my biggest of dreams, I pray that I am even half the dad that my dad was/is for me. He always knew what to do. Do I? He was always there for me. Will I be? He always did what was best for us and the family. Will I do that?

Moms on the otherhand seem to have this natural instinct to love and react. My Mom always seemed to have the answers. Megan always seems to have the answers (don't tell her I said that). What gives?

I'm declaring gender dicrimination. I think God left something out when he molded man. Maybe the extra rib that God took from Adam and gave to Eve has something to do with it???

When it comes down to it, it has to be just like everything else. Trial and error. It's always nice to have people in your life that care and want to help you through times like this. I definitely welcome that. But, at the same time, I want to experience things on our own and in our own way. To me, I could care less about what happened with Joe Smoe's baby. Every experience is unique and different.

I just hope I succeed at doing whatever it is a dad does.

Questions, Cynicism and Hypocrisy

"If we Christians would take all that energy we put into proving we're right and everyone else is wrong and invested that energy in pursuing and doing good, somehow I think more people would believe we are right."

I came across this comment on a website I visited recently (author unknown). How true is that statement? Does it make you feel empowered to do something? Does it make you tingle too?

My walk with Jesus has been a rather strange one. Before I became a "practicing Christian," I wasn't much different than I am now. Good kid, respectful of others, helped people out, likable, never did anything his parents wouldn't want him to do. That's still me...basically.

However, since I have built a relationship with Christ...my perspective on life has drastically changed. I am no longer AS selfish and egotistical. There is a peacefulness about my life, a void that has been filled that I never even knew was empty. I look at the big picture rather than focusing on the next task. I love greater than I have ever loved before. My life isn't filled with worried perceptions, rather it is filled with a trust in a higher being...a higher realm. Instead of locking my car door at the corner where a homeless man always stands, I think of ways that I could help him out.

To sum things up: God plans the beats of my heart. I just have to make sure I keep it in working condition. A lot of times, people are to enveloped in the idea that we control those beats and what can I do to live longer, stronger and die with the most "stuff"...

With all that said, the most important concept is knowing that I am not done yet. Not even close. I understand that being a Christian is like being a great athlete. You have to practice at your craft. Wouldn't it be great if we could all focus on the first question stated? What if we all put others first? What if we all took the time to serve and love each other? What if we walked in the footsteps of Jesus?

Let's walk together...

Wheelchairs, Ice Cream, and a Lady Named Ida...

This weekend, our church shut its doors and urged its followers to be more like Christ. The goal was to set aside time for people to actively serve in the community.

A progressive idea for a progressive church. I love the vision of RiverTree! It is no longer about routine. How are you changing if you sit in church for an hour every Sunday? More importantly, WHO are you changing? Christianity is about living it everyday and doing things that break routine. Routine has left the building.

Our small group decided to serve at the Canton Christian Home. The CCH is a place for senior citizens who either live independently, with assistance, or for individuals who need health care.

We held an ice cream social!

My job was to transport the people from their rooms to the activity center, and then back to their rooms. Megan was the "scooper" and aided in passing the ice cream to the folks who attended. We had at least 50 people who came to share in the event.

Inbetween the transporting, I had the chance to sit down and talk with a lady named Ida. She is 90 years old. They sat her at a table by herself, so I thought I would keep her company. It was the best 30 minutes I have spent in awhile. She was so happy for me to be sitting with her. She beamed about her kids and grandkids (repeating the same thing about 4 times). She talked about her late husband and her boating trips to Portage Lakes. Family was, and still is, important to her. Ida made me feel special. Not because I was being a friend to her, but because she was being a friend to me. We joked. We laughed. We became friends.

Our group decided, pretty much right then and there, that this was a great place to be. We plan on having something like today at least once a month. People that are happy to be alive, wish that they had been gone long ago, and for those that do not have anybody to talk with ...felt love for a few hours.

I tried to picture myself that way. It is hard to believe that these folks were our age at one time and now some of them can't eat ice cream with their own hands.

Thank you God for this experience and for allowing Yourself to work through us as we continue to assist those at the CCH.

Who Are You?

I was just interested to see who reads my blog entries. Leave a comment and let me know who the heck you are :) I hope you enjoy the entertainment!

P.S. Thanks for checking in!

Browns 51 Bengals 45

I know it is just the second game of the season...

But WOW...did that feel good or what?

After watching the Browns campaign for "Embarrassment of the Year" against the St**lers last week, Derek Anderson put on his passing-cap and led the way to an offensive explosion. This just in...Charlie Frye is still horrible (now it is even more apparent).

Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow Jr. combined for over 200 yards receiving. Jamal Lewis stampeded for over 200 yards rushing. And Derek Anderson lit up Browns stadium with over 300 yards passing. What a day!

It was great to have some excitement for once. A little glimpse of hope is all a Browns fan needs these days. But, as we were sitting around Jason Lantz's living room...our true Browns emotions spoke volumes:

"Oh crap!"

"We'll lose anyways!"

"We have a 9 point lead with 4+ minutes left in the game, don't get excited!"

"We'll find a way to lose this one!"

"This play will determine if Romeo has a job tomorrow!"

All subtle jokes aside, that sickness in the depths of our gut (which is a permanent disease for any Cleveland fan) was silently brewing. However, for one of the first times...in a long time...the Brownies didn't let us down. I think this past draft has shifted the winds in Cleveland for good. The Cavs are inches away from the trophy, the Indians are the youngest surprise in baseball, and the Browns have the future of the franchise on the sidelines with a clipboard. It is slowly starting to click.

Every year we say the team looks good. By the halfway mark, we are always saying "there's always next year." The guys we drafted to perform, are starting to perform. Now, don't get me wrong, the Browns could still go 1-15...but there is something there at least. And even if this is all a fantasy I have created in my head...just let me believe it :)

Blue Houdini

Growing up, I was a "Kool-Aid Kid."

Drank it everyday.

Every meal.

Like it was my job.

My all-time favorite was a flavor called Blue Houdini. Some of you may remember its gloriness. The taste was unbelievably refreshing and for some reason it was always cool to drink something blue. However, one year Blue Houdini was no longer.

Couldn't be found for nothin'.

So, awhile back I decided to investigate (I googled it of course). What I found was intriguing. Blue Hudini Kool-Aid was discontinued because it closely resembled windshield washer fluid.

Ok kid, fess up. Who was the wise guy that ruined my Kool-Aid addiction by popping open the washer fluid...takin a few swigs...and then blaming it all on the huggable Kool-Aid man?

I'll find you Kool-Aid killer....I'll find you.

Poems

I was looking through some old files on my laptop, and I ran across some old poems I had written. These are probably around 4 or 5 years old, so some of them are pretty rough. I love reading and writing poetry. It is the best form of creative expression. Anyways, enjoy...or uhhh...laugh?

Honest Abe

“Government of the people, by the people, for the people,
Shall not perish from the Earth.”
At Gettysburg these words were spoken,
Giving the nation’s freedom a new birth.

Guiding our nation through the greatest of wars.
A leader and hero who signed with a pen,
The Emancipation Proclamation,
An act that would free all men.

“With malice toward none,
With charity for all.”
Under God, he united one nation,
Catching humanity on the brink of a fall.

Today, “North” or “South“ does not exist,
And the fight for freedom is almost won.
So, thank you to the man on the five dollar bill,
And everything your gift has done.

If Your Big Toe Could Talk

Son of a…..
Can you not see?
Seven years that chair has been there,
But every night you curse at me.

Why can’t it be your head
Or elbow or thumb,
But no, it’s me, each time,
I’m sure to go numb.

For my abuse,
I’ll grow fungus faster than bread.
Making sure you had wished
You thought twice about the post on the bed.

You never hear you stubbed your ear,
Or that your nose fell off like my nail.
I cannot believe you treat me like this,
I’d rather be sent to jail.

Go Ahead, cover me with that sock,
Good it will never do.
For sometimes I think that I have the brain
And the only one stupid is you.

Sculpted Personalities

Driving by the farmer’s stand, they pose
Trying to look their Sunday best.
Families, couples, kids all in search,
Seeing which ones pass their difficult test.

They’ve grown all year for this one month.
Some go sooner, others go later.
Big ones, warped ones, small ones, perfect ones,
Either way, they all know their fate.

Getting picked is only half their job,
Their sculpted personalities are yet to be.
Opening them up, we gather their guts,
Knowing that giving them life is no cup of tea.

From devilish grins to astonishing eyes,
And faces that are not meant to scare.
They are doctored to fit imaginations,
And always welcome a passing by stare.

Days pass as features rot into one.
November is now their biggest fear.
Knowing that their holiday has come and gone,
Leaving farmers longing for next year.

You’ll Understand When You’re A Parent

The forecast said this evening would be nice,
But its been raining all through the night.
Scenarios play in the back of my mind,
Yet I know that everything will be alright.

I tell myself, maybe she forgot her jacket,
Or that a friend needed an unexpected ride.
Maybe she called and I just did not hear.
Something just does not feel right inside.

My heart begins to quicken,
As my position becomes a pace.
The only thing to cure this fear,
Is the me that I see in her face.

Headlights dance across the darkened room.
Possibly an officer to deliver the fate.
With a knot in my stomach, I open the door.
Sorry Dad…am I late?

Wishful Thinking

I got a letter in the mail today,
Sealed and Signed with only a kiss.
No return address was given,
Leaving me to wonder who it is I miss.

Could it be from my first love
Or from an old high school flame?
Maybe from a one night stand,
I don’t even remember her name.

It could be someone I don’t even know,
Sent to my box only by fate.
Maybe it comes from over seas,
Never dismissing a long distant soul mate.

I’ve waited for this person all of my life,
And their love is everything I lack.
Opening it I’m shocked to find,
It’s the love letter I sent coming back.

Wall of Fame

The names are all on the Wall of Fame.
It’s been eight frames and I still have it going.
People are beginning to gather,
Wondering if I have what it takes to keep strong.
With each roll my heart skips a beat,
Waiting until the ball meets the pins.
There’s an explosion of noise,
A roar from the crowd,
One more frame and that Wall is mine.
My palms sweat.
My brow is slick.
Aiming for the arrow I give it a whirl.
Faster and faster.
That ball seems to float.
Pins dance in the air falling to their death on the lane.
I look in amazement.
I’m king of the world!
The Wall of Fame has a new name,
Mine!
For bowling a perfect score.

PGCC

PGCC is the abbreviated name for the school my brother is going too. The Professional Golfer's Community College (PGCC) is located about 45 minutes North of Orlando, Florida.

That's a long ways away.

Both of our families (Megan's side and mine) have always been a very close family. So when one of them, especially your only brother, goes off to school in Florida...it is a strange feeling.

I know it is what he wants to do, and he is very passionate about it. However, in a selfish way, I hope he comes back after he is done. We have grown closer over the years (still not as close as I would like), but now it seems as though I lost that chance to really be a good brother.

At least for now.

Megan and I will be praying for his safety, his schooling, his golf, and his return. I hope he has a great experience and I look forward to hearing his stories. We also hope that my parent's have an easy experience with "empty nest" syndrome. We will pray for them to grow closer through this experience.