As of tomorrow (October 17), Megan and I will have two months until the baby arrives. Two months sounds a lot better than one month and "x" amount of days, so I will savor tomorrow. The closer "the date" gets, the more "unusual" I feel. Unusual is about the only way to describe the emotions I have.
Do I want to be a dad? Yes.
Am I ready to be a dad? No.
For this post, I thought I would appologize in advance:
I'm sorry for not knowing what to expect and for sometimes wishing this could somehow be reversed. I'm sorry I wasn't better prepared. I'm sorry for letting you cry some nights and for not always wanting to get out of bed to rock you to sleep. I'm sorry for getting frustrated when I do not understand what it is that you want and for feeling that everything is a bit overwhelming at times. I'm sorry I might be at work for your first smile, your first words, or your first step. I'm sorry for feeding you food that you might not even like and for taking pictures of you just so we have a good laugh later on down the road. I'm sorry for not being with you on your first day of school and for not being there to catch you when you fall and scrap your knee. I'm sorry for not always modeling the best behavior and for teaching you bad habits. I'm sorry for the friends who will hurt your feelings and for not knowing exactly what to say when you do not make the team. I'm sorry for the presents I just couldn't afford and for the times I forget something that was important to you. I'm sorry for turning down that game of catch or a game of HORSE. I'm sorry I won't always look when you yell, "watch this Dad!" I'm sorry for picking you up late from school and for not allowing you to go to a friends house when everyone else is. I'm sorry that I didn't like your date the first, second, and last time I met them and for making you come home after the school dance. I'm sorry for making you take the bus when the roads are snowy and for making sure you're always dressed for the weather. I'm sorry for checking in on you during the weekends when your away at school and for asking why you never come home for a visit. I'm sorry not being able to help you the way our parent's and grandparents helped us. I'm sorry I won't be the best at financial advice or for not being the most conversational person when you just want to talk. I'm sorry for missing out on your childrens activities because it just became to hard to get out of the house. I'm sorry for leaving you and not having the chance to say I love you one last time.
~An unedited version of myself.~
2 comments:
You are going to be a great dad. The fact that you've been pondering the situation so intently convinces me of the fact. In reality, no one is ready to become a parent. Those who say they are really don't know what they're getting into. I cried for two months when I found out I was pregnant because I was scared, nervous, excited, overwhelmed and partially guilty for not feeling 100% happy like I thought I was supposed to feel.
I'm so excited for you to be on the flip side of this journey. I know that my pregnancy didn't quite become "real" for Jason until he held Caris is his arms and kissed her sweet little face while she squeezed her little fingers around one of his. He fell in love that day and it's been an amazing relationship to watch.
We are praying for you and Megan continually. We're so glad your part of our lives.
Thanks Suzi! I'm so glad that we have joined this small group. Everything is easier/comforting when you have people around you that are either going through the same "stuff" or have been through it before. You and Jason have set a great example of how to be great parents to "newbies" like us. We are thankful that God has placed your family in our lives. Thanks for writing.
Post a Comment